Mary Jane Watson: Cheating Slut

When the Spider-Man film came out in 2002, I enjoyed it. It wasn’t perfect; I especially thought Spider-Man should do more in the way of comedic banter while fighting, as he does in the comics and cartoons. (Truth be told, I mainly know Spider Man from various cartoons, not the comcis.)

But I enjoyed it, and when, a few months later, I was traveling in America’s Heartland, it was still playing in a theater and I watched it again.

The 3rd time I watched it was when it came out on DVD. And I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before, but now seems so staggeringly obvious: Mary Jane is a lying cheating uptrader!

An uptrader is what I call a person that is always in a relationship, but is looking or willing to “trade up” if someone better comes along.

Let’s look first at a normal, non-scummy person who we’ll call Pam. Pam is dating Enríque, and if things start to not work out, Pam will break up with him and go back on the market. She may then just not be in a relationship for a while, until she meets someone new.

Or, suppose Pam likes Enríque fine, but she meets Jimbo (in some relatively innocent way, since she is certainly not on the prowl), and for whatever reason thinks he might be a better match for her. She would then realize that the very fact that she is considering dating someone else means that Enríque is not her match. She then breaks up with Enríque and tries to pursue Jimbo. If Jimbo doesn’t reciprocate, she is just on the market again.

All well and good, right? Right.

But now let’s look at a lying cheating uptrader whom we’ll call Mary Jane.

Mary Jane is dating Harry. She has problems with Harry, but she doesn’t break up with him, because let’s face it, a woman is incomplete without a man and it’s just not possible for her to just be alone for a while. No, she’s got to be dating someone. So, no matter if Harry treats her badly or they are just incompatible, she won’t break up with him.

But then she meets somebody else who we’ll call Spidey. She is attracted to him. Does she control herself, out of faithfulness to her boyfriend? Does she realize the fact that she wants to act on her attraction means Harry probably isn’t the one for her? Of course not. She makes out with a stranger in all her rain-soaked splendor.

She then attends Thanksgiving dinner with her boyfriend, whom she just completely cheated on. And she doesn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt about it, apparently. She wants to uptrade, and has no problem with OVERLAP in relationships. We call it cheating, or infidelity, or skankiness, but she would just call it overlap if she called it anything, which she probably doesn’t since that would require actual thought instead of just giving in to hormones and urges.

Of course, she then has a fight with her boyfriend, and is upset at him for his failings. He cannot be upset at her for her failings, such as infidelity, which we would think much worse than not standing up for her to his dad, because she has successfully hidden it from him.

And of course, while still pondering an uptrade with Spidey, she then sets her sights on a young man named Peter. She can’t ever just have a single romantic interest.

Soon, it gets even worse. While loving Peter Mary Jane dates John, since Peter refuses her advances, and she can’t just be alone for a while. She even agrees to marry John, since being single is unthinkable. She can’t not be with anyone; if her first choice spurns her, she’ll go with her backup… but all the while she is still hoping her first choice will rescue her.

She is willing to marry someone while loving someone else more. I think it likely that, after marriage, she would still be willing to divorce her husband to continue to trade up.

One thing she never tries is honesty with the people she is with. It’s perfectly possible to date multiple people at once, as long as they all know this is what is going on. Because they’ll all know that it isn’t serious. But when one pretends to be interested in a serious relationship, while secretly dating other people, this is cheating and it is evil.

Mary Jane is not Spider-Man’s love interest, in the movies. She’s his nemesis. So far she has always loved him the most, but what if someone even better comes along? Why would he think she would stay with him? He already knows she jumps from relationship to relationship with more speed and agility than he himself possesses.

I’ll see Spider-Man 3, but I sure won’t be interested in the romance aspect. Mary Jane in the movies is a cheater, and worthy of scorn.

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2 Comments

  1. Cyrodiil:

    You forgot about Flash, the first 2 minutes in the bus. :)

  2. Kat:

    Thank you.

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