Demon Clown Baby

Mr. J——,

I do not believe that this letter will do any good whatsoever, because you will never change your ways, no matter who tells or how logically they present their arguements. First of all, you give too much Homework. But you already know that. You think everyone else’s lives are as dull and meaningless as yours, so you expect them to have no life other than math. Next, you don’t give us time to study or start the HW in class because you spend too much time telling asinine stories and making idiotic gestures during your “lectures.” I know your entourage of butt kissers (Tony —–, Dawn —–, Katie ——-, and others) encourage you, but don’t take it out on the rest of us. I don’t really need or desire to know about (1) your trashy car (2) Your pimple on your nose (3) lewd and lascivious pictures of you with students (4) Anything else you’ve said which I have blocked out of memory. Also, you waste time like you lived forever: Jumping up & down demonstrating a “hyper”bola, writing 22 examples of words with the prefix “para” (3 would have been sufficient). You treat the class as if we were all morons like yourself. You don’t need to spend 15-20 min explaining yourself that 1 = sin 3 ≠ 1/sin = 3. 3-4 min would have been fine. Also, we are daily infuriated by your ridiculous names for formulas & such. You must want us to look like idiots in college saying “meaning of life”, “Freddy Krueger problems”, “Party Formulas”, and all your other stupid nicknames. Stop being so condescending to our intelligence. We’re obviously quite a bit smarter than you were in High School (you admitted it.).

Also, I don’t think I deserved the same snide treatment as those who habitually came in late. I was late 3 or 4 times, maximum, always because the bus was late or some Other reason beyond my control.

Also Write Bigger On The Board!! Those that are smart enough to sit in the Back so they don’t have to be any closer to you than possible, can’t see the Board. Don’t write in Red pen! It is invisible.

In conclusion, I want you to know you have most likely ruined math for me and probably everyone else you have ever taught. We will need extensive physcological treatment to overcome the damage you have inflicted. You don’t deserve to be in the teaching profession. You should join government as a hostage negotiator. You could have annoyed Koresh into giving up. Finally, for the future, don’t waste so much class time!

In disgust,

[DCB]

P.S. Since I don’t believe in taking human life, I’ll give you this warning: A number of students have been plotting your death. Watch your back.

(This was transcribed from a handwritten letter to my 12th grade Trigonometry/Math Analysis teacher. He made everyone write him a letter at the end of the year. Mine was quite accurate, but mean-spirited, so I never gave it too him. I have a tender heart.)