Archive for April 2009

We have the best baby ever.

Wife: I don’t think other people love their babies as much as we love ours.
Me: Or if they do, they have less reason to.
Wife: You’re such a creep.
Me: How is what I said any more creep-ish than what you said?
Wife: I said it first.

Allergic to bacon?!

On “Hell’s Kitchen” last night, a chef put bacon in with his fish, though it wasn’t part of that dish. Gordon Ramsay, in his angry, obscene way, admonished the chef that if a customer hasn’t ordered a dish with bacon, then bacon should not be touching the food they did order, since there is no way of knowing they aren’t in fact allergic to bacon.

Me: Man, allergic to bacon! How do you live like that?
Wife: I think if you’re allergic to bacon you should just kill yourself.
Me: Preferably by eating a whole lot of bacon.
Wife: You’re a bad person.