Archive for the ‘baby’ Category.

Baby grows teeth to spite parents

Our little Demon Clown Baby got her first tooth last Thursday. I suspected it was because I was making fun or her, on account of being bald and toothless, unable to walk, etc. So she grew a tooth.

Well, I just started calling her bald and teethless.

But the very next day, she grew another tooth!

Well that put me in my place.

But she’s still bald.

Insulting the baby!

My little Demon Clown Baby was born in July. She has kept us quite busy.

I’ve never been interested in babies before. Mostly they’re rubbish, I’ve always thought. Mine’s neat though. What I find fun is to insult her. Do other parents do this?

When she cries, I tell her to shut her milk-hole.

She’s got a ton of nicknames: jerkface, poopy girl, scumbag #4 (the cats are 1, 2, and 3), whiner, burpy, and milkface, among many others.

If she cries while I’m changing her, I inform her that nobody loves her. I make fun of her for being bald and toothless.

It’s all done in a very loving and soothing voice. My wife is just as bad as I am, too, in case you were wondering.

One of these days we’ll have to curtail this, when she starts to understand language.

But for now it sure is fun.