Archive for the ‘humour’ Category.
On “Hell’s Kitchen” last night, a chef put bacon in with his fish, though it wasn’t part of that dish. Gordon Ramsay, in his angry, obscene way, admonished the chef that if a customer hasn’t ordered a dish with bacon, then bacon should not be touching the food they did order, since there is no way of knowing they aren’t in fact allergic to bacon.
Me: Man, allergic to bacon! How do you live like that?
Wife: I think if you’re allergic to bacon you should just kill yourself.
Me: Preferably by eating a whole lot of bacon.
Wife: You’re a bad person.
If you are single and alone, and resent a holiday reminding you of that fact on a minute-by-minute basis…
Or if you’re in a relationship, but have passed the googly-eyed stage and find uncomfortable all the pressure to be romantic…
Or your relationship is in trouble so you’d rather not be reminded of what you once had or could have had…
Or you simply prefer to be romantic on your own, without being told what to do by card and candy makers, if you can’t enjoy giving pink-heart decorated gifts without feeling like you’re toeing the corporate line like a good little consumer…
And you don’t have to be a downer and ramble and rave about what you don’t like about Valentine’s Day. Let the people that want to enjoy it, enjoy it.
On February 14, simply wish everyone “Happy VD.”
Update: If you disregard the warning below and read this post and get offended, then please read this follow up as well.
My baby is still alive so I can joke about SIDS. I tried to tell my dad the “crib death” joke and he didn’t find it the least bit funny, since he knew someone whose baby died.
So, if you find such things offensive, please don’t read this post. No harm is meant, I don’t find real crib death funny in the slightest.
This is just something I thought of while worrying about my own baby suffocating, choking, or dying in any of the myriad ways babies can just expire. So, you’ve gotta laugh.
Click the image below to see it full size.