Archive for the ‘humour’ Category.

Dangerous Conversation with Wife

Me: Consumer Reports says we should put the baby right in a crib, no bassinets. I measured and we can fit a crib in front of my side of the closet. You could still get to your clothes, but I’d have to put mine somewhere else. That’s the only place we could fit the crib, but it’ll work.

Wife: Okay.

Me: Hopefully we can use a bassinet and it be safe, but if we have to use a crib right away, we can. Only downside is that the space between the crib and the bed will only be 15 inches. But how often do you walk over there?

Wife: Uh, all the time, and even more when the baby’s born. That doesn’t seem like a lot of space.

Me: But you’ll be thin then!

Wife: [lower lip quivering]

Me: Uh-oh.

(Actually, my wife does carry the baby very well. All the other women say so. (And they’re usually not happy about it, actually. If they got big when they were pregnant, they want to make sure everyone else does too. But that’s a subject for another day.)

Spider-Man 3

On Saturday afternoon, discussing what to do in the evening:

Me: Spider-Man came out yesterday.

Wife: He’s gay?!

Dr McNinja will cure what ails ya!

DCB with Dr McNinja Halloween Costume

I discovered Dr McNinja last September or so. Okay, so I was a little late getting in on it, but once I did, hoo boy.

This is a wonderful webcomic; funny, very cool, and it doesn’t rely on profanity or obscenity.

Absurdist humour at its best. Frozen shamrocks being used as ninja stars will allow me to laugh myself to sleep for years to come.

So I decided I must be Dr McNinja for Halloween. I already had a katana (and not a wall-hanger either, it’s an actual sword, not just a display piece), so I just got the lab coat, stethoscope, and needed a ninja mask.

Well, I couldn’t find any adult ninja masks! I finally got the largest child size I could find, cut it up some, did some fancy things with tape, and viola.

You can’t tell, but the clipboard has printouts of the first three issues, so I could show people. And the pen I got from someone who got it from a pharmaceutical rep; it’s advertising some drug or other.

It was quite an apropos costume, because at work and at home I’m always (unintentionally) scaring people; I guess I don’t make much noise when I enter a room and people are always looking up to see me standing 2 feet away and shrieking in terror. I just tell them I practice The Way of the Ninja and that actually mollifies them. Go figure.