And the old main entrance on Sloat is closed too. The new main entrance is a three minute walk from the street through their new paid parking lot which costs $8.

So we’re sure not paying for parking, so we figure, we’ll park at the South Gate, walk all the way around (about a 15 minute walk) but then when we leave we’ll be right by the car.

Great plan, except the South Gate isn’t an exit now either. It’s nothing.

Even though the maps still say “South Gate (exit only)”!

And it’s the type of exit gate with a revolving gate that only turns one way, and it’s simply not possible to go the wrong way. In other words, it can be left unmanned as an exit.

But instead there’s a padlock on it so we can’t get out.

So we have to walk all the way back across the zoo with an 18-month old child who was assured we were going home.

And then I get to push the stroller back to the car (15 minute walk!) and drive back around to get wife and child who stayed to watch the horsies (the carousel).

So thanks, SF Zoo, for lying on your maps and closing all exits except the one in the paid parking lot, just to try to get another $8 out of me.

1. I downloaded the source code at the pdflib site

2. I unpacked it and ran the configure and make commands and such. So far so good.

3. I realized that unlike the full version, this doesn’t come with the php extension bindings.

4. Tried to use pear install pdflib like the instructions said, but that failed, so I tried pecl, but it claimed my gcc didn’t work:

# pear install pdflib
No releases available for package “pear.php.net/pdflib” – package pecl/pdflib can be installed with “pecl install pdflib”
Cannot initialize ‘pdflib’, invalid or missing package file
Package “pdflib” is not valid
install failed
# pecl install pdflib
downloading pdflib-2.1.5.tgz …
Starting to download pdflib-2.1.5.tgz (55,579 bytes)
………….done: 55,579 bytes
10 source files, building
running: phpize
Configuring for:
PHP Api Version: 20041225
Zend Module Api No: 20060613
Zend Extension Api No: 220060519
1. path to pdflib installation? :

1-1, ‘all’, ‘abort’, or Enter to continue: 1
path to pdflib installation? [] : /usr/local
1. path to pdflib installation? : /usr/local

1-1, ‘all’, ‘abort’, or Enter to continue:
building in /var/tmp/pear-build-root/pdflib-2.1.5
running: /root/tmp/pear/pdflib/configure –with-pdflib=/usr/local
checking for egrep… grep -E
checking for a sed that does not truncate output… /bin/sed
checking for gcc… gcc
checking for C compiler default output file name… a.out
checking whether the C compiler works… configure: error: cannot run C compiled programs.
If you meant to cross compile, use `–host’.
See `config.log’ for more details.
ERROR: `/root/tmp/pear/pdflib/configure –with-pdflib=/usr/local’ failed
#

So that failed. I don’t know why, because my gcc does work. Anyway, the solution was to start the pecl process, then open another terminal window and copy the /root/tmp/pear/pdflib/ files to another directory.

Then manually run configure –with-pdflib=/usr/local there.

(I also ran into trouble because I wasn’t giving /usr/local as the directory. I was giving /usr/local/lib which was where libpdf.so was. Trouble was, it needed pdflib.h which was in /usr/local/include. So giving /usr/local it knows to look both places. The error code I was getting was: configure: error: pdflib.h not found! Check the path passed to –with-pdflib=. PATH should be the install prefix directory.)

Then run make, then make test, then make install, and you’re done! You should now have pdf.so in your php extension directory, which is extension_dir in your php.ini file.

Hope that helps anyone googling for a solution based on error codes they’ve gotten.

I couldn’t come up with anything else that I both liked and thought practical. Constraints were that it couldn’t be too hot (small house, lots of people), and couldn’t be too bulky (I’ll have a lot of baby wrangling to do).

So I ruled out my Matrix coat (which really only looks good while carrying a sword, hard to do indoors) and my Renaissance cloak (look, I don’t dress like this year round, so don’t get judgmental because I own these items from previous years!).

That left my Dr. McNinja costume from 2 years ago. I hadn’t wanted to do it again because I didn’t want to have to cover my face the whole time.

But I have a better Ninja mask now. My previous one didn’t fit and wasn’t made well, a cheap Halloween kid’s mask actually, and I ended up using velcro stuck to my forehead and cheeks to actually keep in in place, so my hair didn’t show and my face was kept hidden. It meant it was sorta delicate and needed readjustment a few times, especially because it was actually in two pieces, a hood and then a face mask, almost just a veil.

Anyway, I got a better once since then, which fits, and is all one piece, so I will be able to pull it down quickly and eat something and it’ll snap back into place, without compromising my secret identity.

So that’s what I’ll be for the party, anyway. There’ll be a lot of kids so I won’t carry my real sword, but I’ll have a bokken.

But while my wife was trying to help me pick a costume, she found a Renaissancy type shirt and said with a little work I could have a pirate costume. “But… I can’t be a pirate… pirates are my mortal enemies” I told her, completely straight, with just a touch of whiny. She proceeded to fall face first on the bed and try to suffocate herself. “But the Internet told me so…” I continued to whinge, and she only pressed her face down harder.

Sometimes it’s hard to be a ninja.

What kind of idiotic people run that restaurant, that they think it’s acceptable to send unsolicited FAXES to local businesses?

Send us regular postal junk mail, I don’t mind throwing it away. I might even read it. I don’t mind postal mail, because there’s usually not that much of it and it doesn’t cost me anything.

But email spam isn’t paid for by the sender. It’s paid for by all of us. ISPs have to have more mail servers, more techs, and spend more time dealing with it. I know people who spend an hour a day fighting their spam.

Fax spam actually steals paper and ink from people! (Not us, we have a computer answer the fax machine, ha hah.) Why in the world would I give money to a business that tried to cost me money in the form of paper and ink?

And you know what? They weren’t even faxing a coupon. Just a “here’s how great we are” letter somebody threw together in Wordpad or something.

I wrote “Fax spam is bad!” and faxed it right back to them.

Food poisoning may be the only thing worse than Poison Oak. Although Poison Oak lasts a lot longer.

My 3rd and latest bout occurred at the worst possible time. The Friday night before Halloween, there was a costume party. I got fast food on the way home so we wouldn’t have to cook. Ate quickly, got dressed up, and off we went.

I’ll have pictures of my costume soon, hopefully. I went as Ninja Claus. More on that later. The baby had a spider costume. My wife went as Little Miss Muffet.

My costume was very hot, as my whole head except for my eyes was covered and with a hat on top of that. The house had a lot of people, so it was hot as well. I started to not feel good. I started to really not feel good. I eventually took off my mask so I could breath. I felt better, then worse again.

After only being there about 90 minutes, I informed my wife we had to leave. We returned home none too soon. It was just dawning on me that, rather than being overheated, I in fact had food poisoning, which may have been exacerbated by the heat, but was going to manifest itself in any event.

Food poisoning manifests itself by violently emptying the contents of the stomach and bowel.

At around 8:30pm, lower port expulsion begins. Followed a bit later by upper port projectile expulsion.

After that, every hour, on the hour, upper port expulsion. I mean it; I would try to go to sleep at 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, and 4, only to awaken at 10:45, 11:45, 12:45, 1:45, 2:45, 3:45, and 4:45 with the exquisite mix of pain, sickness, nausea, cramps, dread, and self-loathing.

It was fascinating the way the timing worked though. Literally within 2 minutes of the top of the hour was when I’d finish my latest worship service at the porcelain goddess.

After 9 sessions, I realized I was probably about out of liquid in my body and would require an IV. I had tried drinking water, I had tried not drinking water, it seemed to make no difference.

A 5am call to the advice nurse yielded the answer: give up on sleep (though I was exhausted) and wait 20 minutes after expulsion and start sipping water or Gatorade.

Can you believe I never had tried Gatorade before? My wife went out in search of an open store to buy some provisions. I mostly sat and whimpered.

It took all day Saturday to recover. And half of Sunday as well. My two previous experiences with food poisoning had 2 or perhaps 3 sessions of hurlage. This one totalled 10. TEN. I don’t have to worry about appendicitis ever because I’m pretty sure I threw it up.

I think it’ll be a long time before I eat Taco Bell again. Although my wife had it and didn’t get sick. She had something different than I did. I know I could eat it tomorrow and not get food poisoning, most likely. But it would remind me of the horrors of that night, and that’s not what I want while eating.

I used to put a 12-pack in the fridge so I would always have a cold one. Then they started making the 24-pack cubes. And then… then they started have 36-packs at Costco.

I put the entire 36-pack in the fridge, and that was a joyous time. I would reach in, and there would be a cold Dr Pepper. Days went by, and every time I reached in, a cold Dr Pepper.

Having grown used to the 24-pack, I would reach in, find nothing, and reach farther back, to the back of the fridge, and there would be more cold Dr Pepper.

I was so excited. “There’ll always be Dr Pepper!” It was like the TARDIS or closet to Narnia, it just kept going. I would reach my whole arm in, and there would be Dr Pepper. I was so happy.

Eventually, though, I really did run out. That was such a dark day. But it was a wonderful feeling while it lasted.

Nowadays, being married, I can’t take up so much fridge space with my drinks. I have to take individual cans out and put them in the door shelf so I have cold beverage.

But I recently took a 36-pack to work and put it in the fridge there.

So far, there has always been Dr Pepper. I hope it continues this time.

It doesn’t go over well.

Yes, I know it was just a joke. I know you were poking the baby, not her. You weren’t calling her fat. She’s not fat! It’s a baby!

None of that matters.

Trust me.

Never used to have wild animals, but the BART extension down the Peninsula destroyed their habitat and they moved in on the neighborhoods.

So now we’ve got opossums, raccoons, and skunks on occasion. Only the raccoons bother me, because they are mean, they are tough, they kill and make a mess. ‘Possum’s are just cute. Skunks are cute and should be avoided because of their defensive weapon, but they don’t do anything bad.

Well, I set a trap on Saturday night to catch a raccoon that had been coming around trying to kill my fish. The next morning, I found an orange cat inside the trap. I’d seen him around the neighborhood. He was not pleased. I let him out and he streaked across the yard, stopped, turned around, and said, “What in the world was all that about?!” Sorry, dude.

I didn’t put new food in the trap, but I did reset it. It caught nothing Sunday night and was still set on Monday. I forgot about it.

On Monday night I went to take in the cat food I leave out for the feral cats. It’s inside a doghouse to keep the rain off. As I came near, an animal ran out. It was a skunk. I think skunks are cute but I didn’t stop to admire this one. I skedaddled.

A couple of hours later, I am ready for bed. I open the window to get some fresh air. Why look, the trap has been sprung. And guess who is inside? Why, it’s our friendly neighborhood skunk. Oh joy. Oh delight. Oh rapture.

The only thing worse than having a trapped skunk in the middle of the night would be to leave until daylight. Because then I couldn’t have done what I did.

Which was take a towel and a flashlamp, and shine the light right in the critter’s face. He sees a bright light, and he can’t see anything else. Not being an educated skunk, he has no idea that a flashlight means there’s a person behind it hold it, and that’s to my advantage.

This allows me to get right next to the cage. I am standing about 12 inches away from a trapped, upset, fully scent-gland-endowed wild skunk.

The trap looks kinda like this, by the way:

I drape the towel over the cage. Now he can’t see me. I position the lamp to shine at the cage entrance. Now for the fun part. I open the hatch partway and wedge a stick through the trap to keep it open. Concerned he might rush out, I do this quickly and only get it open part way. I beat a hasty retreat.

He doesn’t leave. Is it not open far enough? I know cats can get through anything their head can get through. I would think skunks might be similar. It should be big enough. Maybe his foot is caught in the wire bottom or side of the trap. Maybe the freaked him out. Maybe he likes it in there.

I go back to the bedroom and give my wife a status update. I had wanted to go to sleep long before now. I can’t sleep with a skunk still in my trap. The old “watched pot never boils” adage in mind, I give it a few more minutes.

He’s still there. I get redressed for battle situation in shoes and gloves, with my trusty anti-skunk lamp.

This time I take out the stick, open the trap all the way, and put it back. Nothing. I move the towel so I can see in the top of the cage. Poor little guy. He’s scared. He can’t see me but he knows something is up. Why doesn’t he spray? Perhaps because he knows he’s trapped, it won’t be a distraction but a provocation from whichever dangerous predator has connived this Polecat Prison.

I grab the rear of the cage and move it a few inches. Let’s not make this a pleasant home for him. C’mon you’re nocturnal anyway! Get out there and forage!

He takes the hint and exits. As he does, I am already retreating into the house, with my all powerful light source providing cover fire.

Success.

Funny thing is, it didn’t smell the slightest bit skunky during the whole ordeal. He didn’t spray, but I didn’t even get the ambient “there’s been a skunk around” whiff.

Which I do get, from time to time: just the day before, I could tell a skunk had been around, by the smell. But when he was actually there, nada.

My mom had a pet skunk when she was a little girl. Descented, of course, and the skunk was as well.

What would I have done if I hadn’t noticed him until the morning? My only choices would be to leave him there all day until it got dark and the flashlight trick worked. (Using a flashlight while the sun is shining is pathetically optimistic, I think.)

Or, to just have a shield of some kind. I think it would be cruel to leave him trapped all day. I’d have used a tarp and risked it.

Glad I didn’t get sprayed. My wife’s sense of smell is already uber-sensitive because of the whole being pregnant thing. I’d have had to sleep in the bathtub or something.

I don’t know if I want to know what that smells like.

I told my wife they should have wipes that make your baby smell like New Car Interior. That would probably get a lot more dads involved in their kids and improve society.

So far no one else thinks that’s a good idea.

Philistines.