Demon Clown Baby

While registering for baby shower items, we saw that they had baby wipes with “Fresh Baby Scent.”

I don’t know if I want to know what that smells like.

I told my wife they should have wipes that make your baby smell like New Car Interior. That would probably get a lot more dads involved in their kids and improve society.

So far no one else thinks that’s a good idea.

Philistines.

My demon clown baby is slated to be born this July. That means she has existed already since last October.

People keep saying things like, “Looking forward to being a father?” Pardon me, but I already am. I’ve seen the pictures. There’s a real live baby in there. She kicks my wife in the bladder, and does a happy dance when she gets fed.

Sure, I don’t have as many responsibilities as I will have soon, I haven’t had all that much parenting to do yet, but I’m already a dad. Just an inexperienced and terrified one.

I did want to open a 529 education investment account, so I can start saving for her college fund. Turns out you need a name and social security number to do that, and she doesn’t have those yet. Well, fine.

If you want to contribute to her education fund, why not install the free Firefox software linked to on the right? It’s a much better web browser than Internet Explorer, and when you install it, if you never have before, Google will pay me a dollar! All proceeds go towards my daughter’s education.

My old computer had the fun problem of crashing due to bad AGP slot. Usually using Excel, but not always. Sometimes the display just quit, sometimes it crashed and reverted to 16-colour 640×480 which at least gave me a chance to save my work.

So I got a new computer, but the onboard audio for that wouldn’t work. Installing updated drivers had the wonderful side effect of causing the whole machine to power down. I tried booting up in safe mode but it powered down before I could get in. I finally managed to disable onboard audio and log in to regular mode just long enough to frantically run regedit and delete the necessary keys.

So at this point I’m must-shoot-puppies-now frustrated, and trying to put in a new video card I manage to cut my finger. Serves me right for trying to do it while under the desk, instead of unplugging and setting the case on a nice table. And it figures that I don’t get hurt doing major construction projects but I do with a little routine computer hardware maintenance.

So the next day I tell my boss about it and have this conversation:

Me: So then I cut my thumb and my finger while fiddling with the card. I thought about filing worker’s comp for it, but…

Boss: No, I think you should file for that.

Me: …

Boss: But you were terminated last Friday, so I don’t think it’ll fly. In fact, I don’t really know what you’re doing here.

Me: … Touché.

Boss:

Me: You win this round!

It’s nice to have a boss with a sense of humour.